I must bid adieu!

Hello [broad] fan base! =) I must say goodbye to this blog and encourage you to visit my other one. I've attempted to keep up with two for a while but I find the Holy Spirit leading me to simplify and get rid of one. Sadly, this one's it. I feel as though most of what I enjoy sharing I can share at the other one and it was silly to have to keep up with two. So! Come visit me here and enjoy the ride! P.S. If you're subscribed here but not my other one, be a doll and subscribe there... That way you don't miss a beat.

the arch-nemesis.

Every Christian has two arch-nemesis...

Discouragement and condemnation.

Every other sin can be redeemed and forgotten, but if either of those two are creeping around like a monkey on your back... Well, let's just say that everything that was ever did will not be forgotten.

Nevertheless, Scripture tells us that we are more than conquerors (Rom 8:37). In the Greek it says that I overwhelmingly overcome. Therefore discouragement is really a lie. Yet I eat it up like a yummy piece of tres leches cake. Well, that cake darlin', was made with sour milk.

My Bible also says that there is nothing I can do that can cause Him to love me more, and there's nothing I can do that can make Him love me less. It also tells me that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:1). So, once again, condemnation is a lie. It's how the enemy keeps us away from God. But once again I eat it up like a starving child who doesn't see the feast before her.

So, what is going on with me? Why do I buy into this garbage?

Truth is, personal circumstances often overshadow the Word of God within us, and it causes us to worry and become discouraged, anxious and condemnation that we are just not good enough.

But I have become convinced that what is really missing is an aerial view of what the Spirit of God is really saying and doing. We tend to look at our circumstances through carnal eyes instead of having the eyes of Christ; we view life with our mind and our knowledge instead of having the mind of Christ (1Cor 2:16).

If only we would set our eyes on eternity and on things above we would not be tossed to and fro by impossible circumstances (Col 3:2). If only we knew that our God was truly bigger, we would not even bat an eyelash at the task set before us. And if we knew that He took on our nature so that we may take on His, all obstacles would be made flat before us, and we would believe Him to be our Conquering King (Songs 2:8).

I read a quote this week, and I believe it is a key in defeating the arch-nemesis of our souls.

"How incredinle and humbling that Jesus would take our nature upon Himself, and by the Ressurection would give us His!"

So, this is a challenge to put on the mind of Christ, contend for the eyes of Christ and defeat that mean old pair that seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

curveballs

Every so often, you get a piece of information that catches you off guard.

It's kinda one of those "Uhhmmm" moments. You know, the ones where you ask yourself, "Umm, what do I do with this?"

These moments can range from life-threatening revelations to hurtful confessions, from shocking secrets to unbelievable miracles.

These moments are those when emotions overcome you and being stunned is the only thing you can do.

But then in our humanity, those emotions can creep in and settle. They can settle into hurt, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness or they can settle into self-reliance, pride, or overconfidence. None of which give God His rightful throne in the very core of our being.

So then, we come face to face with it, we sit before God and we pose to Him the question... What do I do with this Lord? What is the appropriate response? Naturally, we trust Him. But practically, what does that look like?

I can't say I'm entirely sure. The last thing I'll ever claim is to have it all together. But, what I can say is that the posture of the heart is what will carry you through. The very fact that you brought it before the Lord and asked His opinion, His thoughts, what the heck to do with it... Well, it shows the posture of heart is bowing low in humility, asking, seeking and pleading. That although you're not perfect, you're willing. That although this fallen, mostly broken world throws sickness, disease, rejection, unfaithfulness, the idea of a miracle and promotion you're not ready for at you, you desire to please the King.

And that this earthen vessel we live in is seriously broken and uncooperative to the willingness of our spirits.

Understanding this, we understand that He doesn't despise our broken faith, the quarter of a mustard seed that we have to offer. But we know that He will take that quarter of a mustard seed and cause "all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his good purpose." (Romans 8:28)

He desires a broken and contrite heart. He delights in our weakness because it is then He can trumpet His great love and His great power.

Well then Lord, trumpet away... Broken and contrite, I am...

what I learned from wasps

In the last month there have been four wasps that have somehow gotten into my home. I have no clue where they came from!

My windows are often open but they're screened, so the possibility of them getting in through there is a little impossible.

Where are the pesky wasps coming from?

The first time it made its ugly appearance was during prayer time. I prayed and it "disappeared." It made its second appearing when Caleb was there (phew!) and he locked it between the screen and the window, leaving it to starve to death. Muahaha. The second appeared from our air vent, and in the process of killing it our kitchen light was killed right along side it. The third was with the starved one and the last one showed up today as I was folding laundry and praying.

Hmm. Wasps in dream dictionary mean demonic attacks.

And then, in a moment of stillness, as I'm reading The Excellent Wife (more on this amazing book to come!), I see the pesky wasp, again. So skillfully I too locked it between the screen and the window so that it may starve to death. Go ahead, call an animal cruelty hotline.

But then, I realized Jesus was telling me something...

We are living in a day and an hour where temptations and attacks are being released at an unprecedented rate. In the words of the amazing Laura Hackett, "The battle is raging, the devil is raging."

Ladies and gentlemen, this just in. We are officially in a war. And if we are to be good soldiers, we are to self-examine and ensure we are well prepared.

Many are like my home... The windows to our heart are open, but we justify it and are completely convinced that it is impossible to have such an ugly attack or soul tie or addiction because we have screens or filters within our heart. We are mature enough to handle having our windows open to whatever dust, wasps or robbers there are out there, because the screen is up and it is invincible.

Yeah?

"Watch your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the well springs of life." -Prov 4:23

It's time to close the windows of our heart and rely on The Ultimate Guardian of our heart instead of our man-made screens.

Oh, by the way... There's a crack in my screen.

bearing fruit and some serious prayer requests

I didn't get much of a chance to spend a lot of time with the Lord during my morning quiet and study time this morning (kids' nap time, here I come!), but the little chance that I got, I wrote down this bizarre (!!) dream I had last night, and I read from Luke 13. It's been a slow treck through Luke, as I'm also studying Isaiah and Song of Solomon, but it's been such a fulfilling one. This morning, Christ's story and explanation of the fig tree has captivated me.


"And He began telling this parable; 'A man had a fig tree which had been planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and did not find any. And he said to the vineyard-keeper, 'Behold, for three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree without finding any. Cut it down! Why does it even use up the ground?' And he answered and said to him, 'Let it alone, sir, for this year too, until I dig around it and put in fertilizer; and if it bears fruit next year, fine; but if not, cut it down.' " -Luke 13:6-7

This Scripture evidently speaks to His followers that bearing the fruit of the Spirit is not an option. We must be characterized by the same things that charazterized Christ, the very nature of who He is. That fruit described in Galatians 5:22-23.

My question then is (and I say this in all humility and with all due respect), why do Western Christians exhibit so little fruit? The fig tree didn't bear fruit the size of coconuts or pineapples. Figs are tiny, berry-like fruit! In His Holiness, He knows our weakness and our frailty. He is the one who created our frame, therefore He knows us so intimately. Yet, this is no excuse to not bear fruit. When naming the characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit, Paul mentions that is the fruit. It is one, single fruit that embodies love, joy, peace, patience [longsuffering], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

As I continue on this journey of purging and cleansing, I strive to exhibit fruit. I am contending with the Holy Spirit for a character like Christ. I believe this is what will set the stage for the miraculous and the unprecendented move and harvest of the Holy Spirit in these end times.

How much fruit do you bear?

Also, in these times, there is so much need for prayer, so I am asking that you will keep several families in prayer during this time.

Cabrera Family

Jenny is 21 weeks pregnant with sweet baby Avery in her womb. The doctors have diagnosed Avery with a "fatal condition" where his brain is filled with fluid, little brain tissue is developed, including the part that connects to his respiratory system. His heart is also on the wrong side of his body and little man has spots on his liver. Doctors want to "induce labor" in 12 days so that she can have the baby, though they are essentially telling her he has no chance of survival. They've also told her they've never seen the organs develop after 20 weeks. Please pray for the hand of God to touch Avery and for a miracle to take place that will confound the wise. Also pray for Mommy && Daddy, for peace and comfort during this trying time.

Steffens Family

Last year, Ken Steffens, my high school photography teacher and my mom's boss' husband, was diagnosed with lung cancer. After a round with chemo and a lot of prayer, Mr. Steffens beat the odds and he beat cancer... Now, the cells are back and there's some fluid in his lungs again. Pray for a good report that tells us he does not have cancer. Most importantly, pray he comes to the saving knowledge of Christ Jesus.

Napoleoni Family

Two night ago, my great-uncle was driving home when a 14 year old boy in a bike cut across him. My uncle, being close to his 80's, didn't have the reflexes to stop as suddenly as was needed and accidentally hit the boy. As of yesterday, the boy is in ciritical condition in the hospital. Please pray for this young boy, his family and my uncle. He is absolutely distraught.

Thank you for partnering with me in prayer. How can I pray for you?

circumstances and sin

"Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom." - Ps 51:6

I have continued on this journey through the inmost chambers of my heart and I must say, things are not looking pretty. After last Tuesday's message, I have been stirred and the Lord, through a series of dreams and circumstances, He has shown me how truly wicked my heart's ways are, but that in that darkness, He still desires me and He will complete the work He has started in me.

"Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is too high, I cannot attain it."

-Ps 139:6

Often times, we justify our sin by our pain and our hurt. We convince ourselves that He knows our hearts and knows what has happened to us, therefore, He understands why we're unforgiving and bitter, why we drown ourselves in drugs and alcohol or romance and sex. He knows why... He understands... He sees our heart.

This is a fact. God does see our heart. Actually, God sees the whole picture. He has "searched us and known us" (Ps. 139:1). "He has understood our thoughts from afar." (Ps. 139:2). In fact, He is "intimately acquainted with all our ways." (Ps. 139:3)

• (def) intimate: very private; closely personal. detailed; deep. inmost, deep within. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of the inmost or essential nature; intristic.

Yeah, I'd say He knows our heart pretty well. But the time has come for us to stop blaming our circumstances for our sin. In His mercy, though He knows our heart, our circumstances, our pain in a very private, closely personal, detailed and deep way, He still shows us our sin that we may be like Him and reflect His glory. So that, "we all with unveiled faces, beholding in a mirror the glory of the Lord, [can be] transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18)

We must have unveiled faces and hearts before the Lord and ourselves to be able to behold His glory, and be transformed into His likeness. He desires that we may be cleansed from the inside out, instead of cleaning just the outside of our earthen vessels, like the Pharisees in Luke 11:39-42. The Pharisees had the outward manipulation and show of "pure and undefiled religion" yet had hardened hearts who did not recognize the time of their visitation.

This is my time of visitation. This is when the Lord is teaching me the beginning of wisdom. It is in this painful time, when I'm seeing the depths of darkness within me that I know He is God and He is good. I pray that I may be the good soil, which "hears the Word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with persevarance." (Luke 8:15)

A true story in the exposing of my heart...

Tuesday noon-ish, Mike Bickle, the director of the International House of Prayer (IHOP-KC) made an announcement in the prayer room that there was to be an "emergency meeting" of sorts that same afternoon at 4p/Central Time.


I get calls and rumors start flying. Even though everyone had a positive notion, I was filled with "fear and trembling..." I knew whatever was to happen would not be good for me (as in, my flesh, every vain ambition and selfish conceit). When I began texting a friend of mine, who was in OHOP's Prayer Room, she confirmed that those who were there were sensing and feeling the fear of the Lord in a deep way.


Yikes! I knew I was in for it. :l


Sure enough, a pastor from Uganda, Africa came... and shared an encounter with the Lord that He had. Although he had the outward form of Christianity (having seen signs, wonders, miracles and preaching the gospel), according with what this man shared, his ways were not the ways of the Lord. He carried immorality and other sins in his heart, and the Lord rebuked him. The LORD, also, in His graciousness showed this man how he was not ready for the coming storm nor the great and terrifying Day of the Lord.


Yikes... again! I'm crying and panicking (in a godly way) at this point. Sighhh...


And then... after the Word, I became angry and offended. I began to scream and God and ask "Why?" Why God, did You choose me to live in such a time as this? We both know I'm weak and I'm a coward. Why couldn't I have been born in an era where things weren't going to hell in a handbasket (as though such a time has existed? HA!)? Why Lord, why? I'll never get to play dress-up with my daughter or put bows in her hair (because currently, she's closer to bald than to bows)... Why Lord, why, why why? And then, the thought came, exposing the very whisper of my heart and betraying my fears and darkness... "Why do I have to live in a time where You require it all, all of the time and to refuse so is death?"


Yikes... times infinity... Yikes!


I repented and bowed my head low... So very low... Lower than low... Beyond low...


I love God, but still cling to the safety of worldliness. My heart desires Him but it desires me too...


Can such a conflict exist?


That night I prayed that the Lord would speak to me in a dream...


Personally, I was hoping for a sea of lilies and a lion named Aslan to come and tell me I am His Beloved.


Instead, for the last two nights, I've gotten chaotic dreams where the inner-most depths and sin of my heart are exposed. Yep, in its fullness. At first, I wasn't sure of the significance of the dream... But after last night, the common thread seems to be my darkness...


So, what do I do now?


I break the ties with such worldliness and evil. And I repent.


I set my gaze and my heart on the Holy One of Israel who is Perfect, Holy, Mighty and Faithful.


And, I set my feet to diligently walk in the fruit of repentance.


I purposely change my mind with the Word of God about my darkness, that my heart may be prepared in the coming storm.


Take a moment to self-examine. Can you truly say you are ready?